Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
