i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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