I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
