After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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