I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
