I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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