Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im six kinds of drunk right now
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
