i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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