I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
