You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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