why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
