I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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