I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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