You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
