I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
