girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I believe in your delicious
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
