new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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