We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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