My underwear smells like fireworks.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
