Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize