Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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