So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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