weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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