the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
