My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just blew my weed a kiss
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
