Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
