before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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