my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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