Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
