I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
