the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
