It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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