You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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