I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Small penises have feelings too.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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