well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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