Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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