oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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