When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
