I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
