So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
