My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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