I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
