I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
