I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize