I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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