does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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