If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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