Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
