did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
