If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
