Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
