I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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