we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
