omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
