True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I need a burrito and a hug.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize