I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
