I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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