Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Rumble strips road head = magical
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
