the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
