I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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