She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
