she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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