And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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