She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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