So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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