When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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