The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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