I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
