its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
