My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
