Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
