a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
