He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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