"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize