Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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