go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm drive I can fine osifer
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
