I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just invented taco cereal.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You have to summon your inner elephant
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
