Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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