I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
