i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
