If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
