i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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