Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
