i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
