i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
