Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
