Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
