she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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