pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
