I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
