So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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