clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
