I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
