Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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