Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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