Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
