i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
