she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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