guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
