Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
