He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
