There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
