just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize