Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
