when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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