When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He told me they were just razor bumps!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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