Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
tell me about the fingering
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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