Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
