That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
