I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
